Notes from The Charming Home

I wrote this poem December 19, 2006:

My Christmas Gift

What I am giving myself for Christmas this year:

A BREAK.

I am not dropping out of life,

but I choose to permanently cut myself some slack.

I am taking hold of reality,

reconciling myself to what is;

To who and what i am

Instead of holding out for an ideal

that I will never achieve.

The back of my needlework will never be as

pretty and neat as the front.

I'll get over it.

I'll keep creating.

I will no longer refrain from doing things
because I cannot do them as well as others.

I won't not write because I'm not C.S. Lewis.

I will write, because I have something to say.

I won't not volunteer to lead things
because I never live up to my own expectations.

I will step forward,
knowing achievement is always better than stagnation.

I'm going to lower my expectations and

increase my aspirations.

I'm going to actively participate in life.

I'm going to welcome guests.

My house is never going to be perfect again.

Like Mom's.

Like Rachel's.

Clean will have to be good enough.

If that's not good enough for someone,

There are plenty of  people more interested in friendship

than perfect housekeeping.

I will offer fellowship amidst the toys.

I am not THOSE.

I am me.

Talented.

Focused.

Brilliantly flawed.

If I can give this gift to myself...

If I can find it within to permanently forgive

the failings of my humanity...

If I can keep hold of this gift

and not exchange it for the insecurities

I know so well...

It will be a Gift begetting many gifts.

For it is the gift that says,

"No more fear."